An unanticipated benefit of having an Ivy league Master's degree is the alumni magazine (hey, something needs to offset the student debt). The erudite yet timely articles, the incisive letters readers send to correct fine points from previous erudite articles, the art photography... it's all wonderful, yet for entertainment value nothing beats the personal ads in the back.
Now, I know what you're thinking: People still bother to put their personal ads in print? When you can find any stripe of person online? I know, I know, but it's true: For some people there is apparently a certain cachet associated with print classifieds in this alumni magazine. The claims are nothing short of breathtaking. The typical personal ad goes something like these:
Accomplished world traveler- (speaks 72 languages), athletic (Olympic qualifier in college) sense of humor compared to Katharine Hepburn, equally at home in Paris and the Hamptons, wit and warmth, easygoing yet driven, three Ivy degrees, financially independent, slender, 50s but looks 35, seeks accomplished man for companionship/marriage.
Not that I'm looking, because my husband and I are committed (read: exhausted), mature (read: we now know what a total crapshoot relationships are, and we each feel fortunate not to have married a serial killer) and happy (read: happy)... BUT, sometimes I think about what my ad would look like if I were to write one. I think it might go something like this:
Human Being Seeks Same- Stumbling through life by the grace of God, compulsive educator, accidental filmmaker (see www.underthekudzu.org), never been compared to Hepburn but cute enough in the right light, outdoorsy but won't sleep in a tent, well traveled (over a half dozen states), Ivy degree (still can't remember what day it is), 46 but looks 45, seeks male human being for misunderstandings and banter.
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