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Just as I have learned it is better to put the font size for this blog on the "larger" setting because it is easier on my eyes, I have made some adjustments for the fact that a bikini is no longer a good choice for me. In other words, I'm going down--we all are--however, I am determined not to go down without a fight. In fact, my favorite fantasy is the one in which I win the lottery and then split my time between my family, my historic school preservation projects, and working out. It's not that I don't like the way I look, I love and enjoy my body. It's just that, well, there's a little more of it than there used to be. And it seems to require so much more maintenance, what with little health challenges that come with middle age. For a busy mom/teacher/preservationist/hobby farmer this poses a dilemma...at the same time that my other priorities demand more time and money than ever, looking reasonably good also requires more effort.
Along the way, I made some observations, and I have some gentle suggestions for other 40-something moms.
Hair: Let's face it, almost no older women looks good with long hair and long, thick bangs. The wrinkles on your forehead make you look wise, for heaven's sake, don't try to cover them! For the bangs to look good you would either have to be seven years old, or a sexy 20-something punk rocker. In fact, I am an advocate for a new rating system for hair styles that falls under the truth-in-advertising concept. We desperately need this rating system to tell us just how good-looking you have to be in order to pull off certain hair styles. Moms! Snap out of it! Take the time to get a haircut, even if it's a $9.99 haircut, so you don't look trapped in time.
Skin: Now, I'm really going to date myself, but I remember the original Muppet show. One piece of beauty advice that stayed with me was when Miss Piggy said "Don't put on anything on your face that is from the hardware store." I don't get my facial care products at the hardware store, but I don't spend a lot, either-- think Dollar General. You can accomplish a lot for less than $10. Here is what to buy: For toner- Witch hazel ($1/bottle). For pore minimizing and breakout prevention- Stridex pads ($3/box, or $2.50 if you tear off the little coupon on the inside flap before you go to checkout line). For moisturizer- Generic aloe lotion ($2/bottle)- even my son says this lotion smells nice, and it works without clogging your pores.
The challenge for all of us is to dedicate some time every day to take care of our physical selves. Consistency goes further than expensive beauty products. When the first study came out linking poor dental health to heart disease, I thought it was a fluke. Now I realize that it's true: Taking the time to floss daily not only keeps teeth more attractive, it actually protects your health, because it keeps your mouth from harboring too much bacteria.
Stay tuned for Real Mom Beauty Adventures Part II, in which I have eyebrow hairs ripped out (aka "threaded") in the name of beauty by a nice but serious Chinese woman...
Read the ebook Any Given Mom, Any Given Day for just 0.99 (free for Kindle Select members)! In which eternal questions are answered, such as, what is a surefire cure for a baby who is constipated? Why does your husband think watching the "Kill Bill" marathon is a good bonding activity? Is it possible to drive well when dirty socks are whizzing past your head? Click to find out!!
In the category of "now I feel REALLY inadequate," I just read an article that said the new trend for well-to-do families is to have a professional organizer for the kids as they go back to school. Putting aside for a moment the typical teacher's reaction on learning of any new career choice: "Hey, maybe I could do that!"--and this applies to, well, just about anything. Not that teachers are so unhappy, exactly, but moments such as this one (that happened last year) do make me wonder sometimes about life outside of school... I was trying to use the latest educational software (my district insists on replacing software as soon as we get proficient with it), only to look up and realize that one of my special needs students had just cut all the laces off her new shoes.
Heck, I almost applied for the new program in Mechatronics at the community college. What do they do in Mechatronics? I don't really know, but the 22-year-olds who are getting this training will make more than I do with their Associate's degree than I do with my Master's.
However, I digress. We were discussing the dawn of a new career track, that of professional school organizer, which is somehow linked in my mind with the professional delouser. That's right, if you cannot deal with combing nits out of your child's hair, now (in major cities) you can hire a lice expert who will take over. Think of the bonding time one misses that way, though. You could talk with your child about "Student zero" (the kid who is suspected to have started the lice outbreak), and how that same kid stole the one piece of Halloween candy you put in your child's lunch (Ow!), and how gym was fun today (Ow! Mom! Be more gentle), and whether lice are an appropriate topic for the upcoming science project (Mom! I mean it! You're hurting me!).
Which brings us to the crux of the matter, which is, is it really a good thing to be relieved of the joyful suffering of the back to school ritual? I mean, aren't valuable lessons learned in Target when you debate with your 11-year-old about the value of a rolling backpack? Won't you miss the scavenger hunt of trying to find all six of the different colored folders that the teacher (who, perhaps not coincidentally, is young and childless) wants for her envisioned "simple" organization system? What about the excitement of helping your child create labels for the dividers, pack the supplies for the first time, write his name in Sharpie on the new Pokemon lunch bag?
Not to get all preachy, but the divine mercy chaplet reminds us that faith without works is dead. I feel a bit the same about parenting without wanting to do the slightly stressful/difficult things. Isn't that what it's about? Teaching your kids by guiding through things? Sharing the moment of triumph when everything is ready? The professional can probably do it more efficiently, perhaps even do it better, but s/he doesn't love your kid. Only you will do it with love.
